Could ya not? [entries|friends|calendar] Jessica [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

lately [18 Jul 2007|09:47pm] [ mood | depressed ] So, I've been feeling a little neglected lately.  I was feeling sick for a few weeks, and I was hoping that I was pregnant.  Guess I was wrong.  Somethings just aren't meant to be.  It just upsets me, 'cause I wanted to be sooo bad, but I didn't tell Bob.  He would tell me that there's plenty of time for that stuff.  I don't know, lately I've just felt like crying myself to sleep. 2 comments|post comment

back to the grind... [20 Mar 2007|09:12pm] [ mood | crappy ] It's been a long time since I last updated, 124 weeks according to live journal, but I believe it to be longer.  I have written one poem since then, which is unusual for me.  Some other things that have happened since then:  I moved again, and my situation somewhat changed and then changed back- this needs explaining.  I moved yet again, still in the East Greenbush area just closer to work.  I live with my boyfriend and his daughter.  In September, I became pregnant, which was extremely exciting.  But I guess, somethings just aren't meant to be, because I miscarried.  I'm trying to find a new job, because Fuji is driving me freaking psychotic. post comment

another rant (somewhat) [20 Dec 2005|09:10am] [ mood | determined ] [ music | tv background ] So, my life twist-turned last week. The relationship that I thought was going to last and seemed to be going great, ended, unexpectedly to me. The more time that passes, the more things that I'm finding out about him from his "friends". This is the reason that I didn't attend Andrea's holiday party, which I'm truly sorry about. As though that isn't bad enough, word has gotten around work that I'm single again. So now, all the guys are circling me like a piece of meat in the lion cage. Oh yeah, all that on top of usual holiday depression, - serenity now! post comment

just things [22 Nov 2005|09:52am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | tv ] I hate this crappy feeling. Feeling alone, unadjusted and just miserable. I'm seeing this great guy and things seem fine, but then I over think things and feel like this. Maybe it's because it's the "emotional" week for me, who knows. I feel like crap and I'm taking it out on the person that I shouldn't and right now he's ignoring me and not wanting to deal with me. When did I turn into that girl that cries all the time and gets emotional over stupid crap? post comment

just some things [05 Oct 2005|05:14pm] Things are going really good lately. I don't want to ruin them by writing them down, but here's the gist(?) of it. I'm taking 2 classes at school and working with pretty much overtime hours and still have time for a life. Which is weird in itself when it comes to fujiland. I've been really happy lately, and that's a good thing. I haven't yelled at anyone at work in a while and haven't felt like it either. post comment

I give up.... [04 Sep 2005|10:57am] Watching the cars roll by, hoping you might be in one of them Anticipating the phone to ring thinking it might be you No longer will I wait for you To notice me Remember me Abuse me again, Until I'm forced again To give up everything I dream of post comment

untitled [04 Sep 2005|10:56am] This shouldn't feel like this this pain, the hurt You filled me up then disappeared now I feel so empty don't know how to be me anymore All that's left are remnants of myself and what I use to be post comment

what I've been listening to lately [20 Aug 2005|08:02pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | Candlebox- You ] I never know I never care I never believe my people I'll tell you what I say I never lie I never try I never cry for you people I'll push you Push away But you lonely people Keep on running around my door Yes you lonely people Keep on begging Beg for more And I'll for you Yes I'll die for you Pain in my heart it is real And I'll tell you now how I fell inside Feel in my heart it's for you I'll never true I'll never die I'll never push for you people I'll tell you how I fell I'll never lie I'll never cry I'll never true for you people It'll you, yes it's real And you lonely people Keep on passing time away Yes you lonely people keep on passin, Pass away And I'll cry for you Yes I'll die for you Pain in my heart it is real And I'll tell you now how I feel inside Feel in my heart it's for you And I'll take everything As it comes my way Pushin' your pain around my door Will I cry for you as I die for you Is this blood on my hands all for you But you shiver You shudder Recovers your mother You feel it take control Come around town Steal another dime Take another line Won't you feel it Blanket your soul You're out of mind Come around town Steal another dime Do another crime Won't you get it higher & higher Roll through time Come around town Steal another dime Don't you push your drugs in my face Yest, I'm feeling fine Feelin' fine Don't you push drugs in my face Or I'm gonna put you in your place Fuck you I don't want it no more And it's mine on my own Yes it's mine all alone As I cry for you Yes I'll die for you Pain in my heart it is real And I'll take everything As it comes my way Feel in my heart it's for you And I'll lie for you as I die for you Pain in my heart it is real And I'll tell you now How I feel inside Fuck you It's for you post comment

tact rant [18 Aug 2005|01:46pm] [ mood | shocked ] [ music | Candlebox- Far Behind ] To everyone that reads this and is sick of my rants, then read no further. Warning aside, this rant is about tact. The webster's dictionary that sits next to my computer defines tact as "the ability to do or say the right thing at the right time." I figure that this means knowing how to deal with people in certain situations. Lately, I've noticed that there are quite a few people out there that are tactless, or unable to deal with people in proper situations. For example, if someone does something that's uncalled for, instead of calling them out on it perhaps they should be pulled aside and told about it nicely, if the behavior continued then they should be yelled at or whatever. People that I've been dealing with lately, yell at and berate people in front of others for doing something small that may become really irritating. I have no need for people lacking tact in my life. I've always thought, there is a certain way of dealing with people and I thought it was something that everyone had. Apparently, tact is something that parents were suppose to teach children, along with good manners. It amazes me that it took me 24 years to realize that tact is something we learn from family, and not just something that everyone has. But on a side note, things are looking up a little. post comment

To a certain few people [04 Aug 2005|05:43pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Seether- Remedy ] A few things that I'd like to say to a few people that I haven't talked to in a while. While some of you may see this, others may not, so I'm writing it just to write it. Because as I have stated before in this journal and in person, I don't write for other people I mainly write for myself. There's a few of you out there that I haven't talked to in a while, some of you live rather close, so I have no excuse for this. Others of you have seemingly just travelled off from my life, but still I guess I should have been a better friend. To those of you that I've lost track of, my apologies for not keeping up my end of the friendship bargain. To others, that I do keep up with, I just want to say thank you for being there and supporting me through all of the stupid decisions that I've made, and not listening to you to begin with. post comment

[27 Jul 2005|02:47pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | No Matter What- Def Leppard ] There hasn't really been alot going lately. Just that it's summer time and I've been trying to spend less time on the computer and the internet. I am planning on going out on Saturday night, even though I have to work on Saturday, so if you want to join give me a call. I've been working alot of hours at work, and have neglected to return a few phone calls (sorry guys.) It seems like all of the sudden, I have all these bills due at once, my tuition bill came in the mail today, along with rent and normal bills being due soon. Along with the fact that my car needs 2 new tires really soon, and I still need to have some body work done on it. But other than that I've been repeating my same stupid mistakes at work, that I definitely should have learned from the first time. But like always, I was the one to stay at work. And we'll just leave it at that. post comment

Yes Dear, on tv [26 May 2005|04:44pm] Watching this show, I realize that Adam really does look like the guy on this show. Other than that, just need to verbalize something before it grows out of control in my mind. I've been thinking about someone alot lately, and I can't help it. I seem to like this person alot, because I just want to attack him in the worst way. I would normally get this person to step up to the plate, and have a taste of this hot ass, but said guy has a girlfriend, and I don't think that he'll cheat on her. Maybe now that I've written this down and somewhat vocalized it, it won't be as bad. post comment

SSDD [14 May 2005|02:58pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | tv in background ] Time for another rant, with a different person as my subject this time. Now, normally since you are (were) my friend, I would believe what you tell me. We got to be such good friends, that something happened, something that I can say has never happened in any friendship that I've ever had. But today when I talked to you, you messed up. You lied to me the other day, and today made me feel like crap. Now, I'm not anti-gay relationships but after the other day, this just makes me think that you're a homo! Why else would you choose to be with someone that had to make up their mind to be with you, when I was willing and give up on something great, and you know it would have been great. So, I just have to say, since you won't see this, that you are a jerk, jackass, and have no idea what you gave up on. I don't hold grudges, but I don't forget either. You will get yours, but not from me. Like they say, payback is a bitch, but revenge is a motherfucker. post comment

news, news [10 May 2005|06:02pm] [ mood | mischievous ] I finished my one class for the semester by turning in my final paper yesterday, a day before it was due. In other news, I injured my hand a couple of weeks ago at work, and from time to time it still cramps up. Luckily, the day I did it I was smart enough to go to the doctor and figure out that I bruised the meta-carpal nerve in my right hand. post comment

Most kick ass new song [23 Apr 2005|12:00pm] In the chill of the night, I can feel my heart racing, As I run towards the light, That seems so far away, Wondering forever, in the darkest of shadows, Wondering if I will ever see you again. (see you again…) Wondering if I will ever see you again [Chorus 1] I'll take your love (I'll take your love), Take your hate (take your hate), I'll take your desire. (sire) I'll take the world, When it turns on you (when it turns on you), I'll set it on fire. (fire) (The walking dead) (the walking dead.) Digging in the dirt, I can feel you getting closer, Steadying my hands through the blistering pain, Anxiously awaiting for the earth to reveal you, Wondering if I will ever see you again. (see you again….) Wondering if I will ever see you again. [Chorus 2] I'll take your love (I'll take your love), Take your hate (take your hate), I'll take your desire (sire). I'll take your heart, I'll take your pain (I'll take your pain), I'll bring you to life (to life) I'll bring you to life... (The walking dead) (the walking dead.) I'll bring you to life... I'll take your love (I'll take your love), Take your hate (take your hate), I'll take your desire. I'll take the world, When it turns on you (when it turns on you). (The walking dead) post comment

Dyno-mite!! [29 Mar 2005|01:08pm] [ mood | content ] Not 2 much to update. I hung out with an old friend this past weekend and had a blast. I miss that sometimes, the way things use to be. Lately, I have a feeling of completion, once in a while I get like this. It's hard to explain, but it's a feeling of not wanting or needing any more than what I have. I can't speak for everyone, but lately my morale has been boosted at work, and that's about all I can say. On a side note, random quote: Your mom goes to college post comment

new me [23 Mar 2005|02:44pm] [ mood | bored ] So, I've been in a bit of a bad mood lately, allowing people to push me over the edge into a continuously bad week. I bought a new digital camera on Sunday, and I'm thinking about selling my old one. I took a five hour nap today when I got home from work this morning. At what point does taking a nap, turn into just sleeping? How long is the limit for a nap? Pay day tomorrow rocks my socks. I'm in the midst of making plans with old friends, trying to get out there more. I figure that these people were important enough to be in my life in the first place, so why did I write them off so easily? I'm working little by little, trying my best to be a better person. But why? Most of the time, I'm like this is me take me for the bitch that I am. Lots of changes going on, and all I can do is roll with it. post comment

Erin Go Braugh [17 Mar 2005|04:39pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | Saturday Night Live on E! ] Happy St. Patty's Day to all! I had my mid-term today and I think it went very well. Off to a nice party tonight, then work. I was looking back through some of my entries from last year and I'm amazed at how much I've grown. It's amazing what a year can do to a person. Lots of good things going on too, my ego is officially boosted. But some people have a tendency of letting me down, and it's usually the same people. What is it about people that makes it soo hard to write them off? On a positive note, now I have a godson and a goddaughter. I love my nephew and both of my nieces. Kids make life worth living. They take some of the more serious things in life and make them laughable. post comment

let it burn [28 Jan 2005|06:20pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Burn- Usher ] Random note: I must admit, I'm a little sick of this game. You saying that you are interested in me, and then calling or talking to me. I was a little upset when I left today, another day of disappointment. I keep trying to give up, but I like you a little too much. It makes me feel bad, 'cause you keep saying, "Oh yeah, I'm interested in her", but then you don't act like it. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not really chasing you anymore, if you want to talk to me and pursue something I'm here, but I won't be here forever. post comment

nostalgia [21 Jan 2005|01:53pm] [ mood | giddy ] [ music | Radio Channel 103.1 ] Lots going on lately. The teacher thing is done. I started school again this week. Glad to be back, but nervous as hell. I'm only taking one class, but that's enough for now. On a quick note, I ran into someone from my past in the store last night. It made me feel good about myself to see this person. Left me thinking this: I've been wandering this whole wide world Just to keep you following me How I thought I felt and what I regretted Is no longer felt What could have been and what is Separate us But what is, was meant to be post comment

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